There is more to come

There’s more to come where I came from. When hordes of people, and especially the muses and wonders in your very own head, start telling you that there is something totally wrong with you, you have to start taking it serious. I admit that ‘totally’ was not the word they used, but I like drama more than the next one. You will see me do that a lot: exaggerating the point for the sake of the argument.

You might as well not be that insecure child you used to be when you were growing up. Maybe you are a filthy speck on the otherwise spotless world. Maybe you really are a swine amongst gods and this entire soul searching trip you’re on is just a proof, a demonstration of a tasteless, inelegant ignorance. Well today, finally for some mysterious and wonderful reason, I could no longer exclude those possibilities. I was hoping to postpone that finality for some more years, until I was stronger and brighter, but what the hell. I take everything as it comes, so why not this.

My building blocks have been dismantled and shuffled like an old deck. I had been living in a protective fabrication of my wit. Haha. It was so funny while it lasted, but it was even funnier now that I glanced at it in the mirror. It ran like wild horses trying to recapture the magic, but I just made like the wind.

All of this sort of happened over the first 15 minutes of my lunch break, while I walked over to Subway (veggie delight, extra cheese). I mused over it while crossing the streets, doing my pondering/staring at the pavement thing. And it affected me, deeply. But then I saw the perfect smile of the friend I was meeting there, and all those thoughts vanished. I felt like a very little boy again and I loved my muses and wonders more than ever.

And again I had more evidence that this life is nothing more than a charade where most of us try to guess the meaning of meaningless feelings.