irsinkast

Today a most formidable man passed away. The most formidable.  Why is everything  so merciless? Why are we endowed with such tremendous capacity  for grief? Why are the most ecstatic feelings  so deeply intertwined with  heartbreak? How can one man  be this important? To so many. To you. And to someone  as barren as me.  If I add up the total amount  of hours that we actually spent together  I will hardly get to 20.  But from the first instant  I knew.  And the next hours  only confirmed it.  I had been touched  by an energy beyond the range of others. One of those very few people  in a generation  capable of transcending  the barriers  the prejudice  the pettiness  of us humans.  Someone you instantly trust  with your life. Someone you instantly share  your weakness with  kno...

Their ideals their dispositions their minds their opinions their general outlook on things the way they address people at what times they drink their coffee how they blink their eyes. One day they are wide open the next they close up completely. They feel like they have to do it. As a means of protection. Categorically. Drawing a line. Setting a perimeter. Fencing off their own lack of feeling. Or the surplus of it. That’s how people cope with the unyielding progress of change. All the things we see have already happened since we see them only as they reflect their light on a surface. We see only the echo of what happened after it happened. The now as we perceive it is not even now it comes to us from back when. But too late. Sounds are the same. Feelings are the same. They are a mere resonance or replies to echoes. Effects not happenings. It’s a strange thing to recognize that we are only manif...

Sometimes you'll do things that you shouldn't but mostly you don't do the things you should. I once read that we may not be at the source of our faults but we actually might very well be the source of our frustrations. They dangle at the end of a chain of events a path of half-chance choices that we don't make when we were supposed to. We go neither way and that is always maddening. It seems harsh but everything is an 'either way'-moment. A sharp edge with steep slopes on both sides. And we know we should pick a side. But the prospect of sliding down either side is daunting. So our solution is that we prefer to overlook them. A slip of the mind becomes a slip of the soul. We balance our way onwards on the rim of the volcano. Not living by fire nor by transformation. We take the safe route that leads back to this same point. In circles. Long tedious circles.